I Tried To Resign From Motherhood But No one Would Take My Resignation

It has been my first full week doing all of the childcare (after the after school program of course – I’m not a total lunatic.) Cooking dinner every night, picking them up, laundry- you know the things that mothers around the world do year after year without batting an eyelash. How the fuck do they, do you, do it? Tell me g-ddamnit! I need to know.
Round about minute ten of day one, I understood why the nanny had resigned, I just couldn’t figure out what had taken her five years. Who on earth would take care of children who weren’t their own? Perhaps she would be sainted at some point, but as a lapsed Jew I didn’t even have a chance.We didn’t even celebrate Jewish New Year this week. My kids barely know the difference between Rosh Hashanah and Halloween. (Both have candy, right mommy?)
So I have been focused on them (at the expense of other important things like this blog, Netflix and my vagina.) I collapse like a Sherpa at 10 p.m with a pillow over my head to block out any possible noise from snoring husbands, screaming kids and barking dogs. If the kids have a nightmare or the dogs need to pee this week they are all out of luck.
I have been working on my book daily, as when I don’t get time to write I transform into an evil, evil bitter hag. But blogging has been another story… You know, writers will do anything to avoid writing and sometimes only really awful tasks to avoid can make us choose to write instead.


Without this horror, I would never have written the preceding blog. I have to urgently to go and re-frame some of the kids artwork now…


  1. Too Funny!!! Your reward will come when they all move out and you can have nice things again because no one will be breaking them or smearing grape jelly all over them. Be patient and persevere. They will leave eventually.

    • Believe it or not I actually don’t want them to leave- just for about three days a week. When they’re gone I have to deal with the person who annoys me even more than my kids… me.

  2. HA! This was a good one … I’ve been on the home front just one year and I nearly jumped off a cliff a dozen times. How did I not? How did I do it? Chocolate … chocolate and plenty of Famboise 🙂

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