It’s Been Quite Glamorous Here At Casa Del Depresso

I have had an unexpectedly exciting week. While normally I am lucky if I get to drop the kids to school wearing pajamas and two matching slippers, let alone showering and exiting the domicile as some semblance of an adult, this week has been positively glam. And considering that our nanny of five years is no longer (she’s not even returning my texts, so either she is still in Tijuana with her family, something has happened to her in Tijuana or she’s in LA. and has had an ass-ful of us.)Regardless, G-d  (or as my son who went to the hippie preschool calls G-d “Mother Moon and Father Sky”) whoever it was smiled down at us, and granted us not one but two fairy godmother/good Samaritans/babysitters.

The first one came on Thursday, enabling my husband and I to go on a date for the first time since… I have no idea. I actually put on a dress and shoes, and got to see the rewards of my labor (yoga, diet, restraint) when my dress was loose!!! Then my sweetheart (who I narrowly remember as someone I used to date before I got married) took me to the new Nobu in Malibu. What a fucking scene! The food was EXACTLY THE SAME as the old Nobu, but whereas before you could just walk in without a reservation, the place was so hard to get into, because apparently people are very susceptible to marketing.

My husband had to call every hour on the hour during the day to check if there was a cancellation, until he finally got us a table. That’s what he said anyway, maybe he just blew the maitre-d’. Then he texted me roughly seven times that if we weren’t there at 9 o’clock sharp, all bets were off, and we would be sent to the McDonalds across the road, which is not new at all, and therefore totally not “happening.”

I was on time for the first time this century (I will speed for sushi) and then had to wait for half an hour at then bar with my husband (who scrubs up quite nicely) along with about seventeen men in toupees with chin-straps. Also present; Italian/Venezuelan/Swahili couples so beautiful that they hurt the eyes. Toupee guys stared at the girlfriend half of these stunning contributions to global genetics with longing, but the Lotharios were so gorgeous, they stood absolutely no chance. Toupee guys continued to drink heavily, resigned to the fact that they were going to pay eighty dollars for a piece of cod the size of a grape, wash it down with a hundred and seventy dollar bottle of wine and then go home alone. In their Bentleys. I have personally never seen so many Bentleys in one parking lot, which just goes to show you, no amount of money can buy you hair.

The food ended up being quite good, but since I can’t eat sugar I had to be really annoying and ask about everything – “Does this have sugar? how about this?” In more ways than one, I have become everything I hate. Although it may have been all worth it (no whipped cream, no cake, no cookies for three whole months) because this was what I looked like that night:

I swear I could have picked up a sixty year old investment banker that night…

Then another babysitter emerged from the ether, and seeing as she’s a pretty young Pepperdine student, the kids barely even looked up when we left. Hubby and I got to put in an appearance at an NBC Emmy party, which is completely not as much fun as it sounds because when anyone in show-business talks to you at these things, they tend to be looking through you, around you and over you, in case someone else come into the room who can help them with their careers more than you can (which in my case is anyone else, because I got nothing.)

My husband on the other hand, can help people but only with genuine talent, which I think is why he brings me along to these functions as a buffer, because I’ll shoot the shit with anyone. I don’t care who they are, anyone is a potential audience. It’s just exhausting watching them looking for “an angle.”

What was great was getting to go to (Caution:name-dropping ahead) Cheri Oteri’s birthday party, who is an absolute delight!

In the background is a short film she made with some friends – hilarious! I also got to meet an actress I adore and have a long conversation with her – Frances Fisher a true example of integrity as an actor, and balanced it all with motherhood – I need more role models like this… although who knows she could be bat-shit like the rest of us.

We even look like sisters! This was before getting into a frighteningly close relationship with the cheese platter. I could not stop with the Brie and the Gouda and the stinky but not blue whatever and by the end of the night it was time for me and the cheese to get a divorce.

But by far the most beautiful, memorable and pleasurable moment of the week, came later in the night… That was when I got home and saw this:

That’s right THE BABYSITTER DID THE DISHES and PUT THEM AWAY. Glory and salvation, this alone was worth the cheese hangover. This morning I called and offered her all the babysitting work she could handle. I guess you define glamor a little differently as you get older…

3 comments

    • Thank you so much for this piece of info!!! Seriously I love when I find things like this out- I have no way of knowing otherwise. So far all I know is that she was raised in San Diego, but I will ask if there is a MidWestern connection

      • I was born and raised in Michigan. The first time I was ever allowed to babysit, my mother gave me a lecture about being productive because I am being paid. “You don’t get to just clean after the kids go to sleep. You need to do the dishes and maybe sweep a little or something. That’s how you’ll get hired again.’

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