I Have A Thing For Guys In Wheelchairs

I remember when I first noticed it, my predilection for the handicapped. I knew I had a major girl boner for alcoholics and drug addicts, so clearly emotional disabilities were already my thing. But the desire to sleep with a differently-abled man has never been fulfilled… except that one night make out session with a rather hilarious person who happened to have Cerebral Palsy, but that was a long time ago.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a nurse complex- I am not really a catheter kind of gal. The reality of taking care of someone who is in any way physically challenged is frightening, as it’s hard enough for me to find my keys. I would be the one to unplug your life support by accident because I needed to use a straightening iron. But this is about a fantasy, that I feel compelled to share with you. So clearly I have another fetish- exhibitionism.

This is when I first knew I had a thing for guys in wheelchairs: When I was a pre-teen fangirl, I was enamored of a certain TV personality in Australia, where I grew up. A few years later when I was a more difficult to impress teenager, through a confluence of circumstances, I ended up knowing both this minor celeb and his brother well enough to say hello to and exchange pleasantries with. Then one day I saw him. The other brother. I couldn’t believe that he wasn’t the famous one- he was charismatic, gorgeous and had a soulful presence his siblings lacked. Then he rolled back and I saw the chair.

I was in love.

He looked over and smiled at me, then rolled away. When you are in a wheelchair I imagine it’s easier to be flirtatious, if you choose to be. Whether that was your personality before you became a paraplegic or if you were born that way, what woman wouldn’t smile back at a guy in a chair?

Except when I saw those sorrowful eyes, I wanted more…

I believe I must have had a boyfriend at the time of my first sexual stirrings for the brother in the chair, it’s the only reason I can think of why I didn’t follow him. Or if memory serves I did subtly follow him to see if I could score an introduction from his brothers, but got an evil eye from a formidable looking blond pushing the chair. It’s always a fucking blond, isn’t it?

Either way I would have lacked the courage to ask for what I have always wanted to do then and since… Sit on a wheelchair bound man’s lap. What kind of strange shit is that? Is it an urge to be taken care of? A desire to feel like a child? Or is it because he probably wouldn’t be able to feel most of me which would make me feel thinner?

I would certainly never just plunk my butt on another human being without permission, but if he let me I would sit gently down and then cradle my C5 injured honey’s (slightly unshaven) face in my arms and kiss his lips and…

That may be why I’m not so into quadriplegics with an injury higher than a C4, as all those tubes and breath-powered keyboards would get in the way. Also apparently Stephen Hawking is a real asshole. Regardless I need space to snuggle and put my head on his shoulder and most importantly feel the arm muscles that can do what their legs can’t…

I’m not aware of the technicalities of sex with a man in a wheelchair (there are chatrooms) but imagine for a moment what a man like that could do with his tongue… I’ll wait.

Ah, you’re back. Am I the only one with this fetish? Why no, says the Internet, how could you be? There exists everything from dendrophilia- sexual attraction to trees, to formicophilia- a fetish for being crawled on by insects, to the L.A. Chef who was recently found guilty of slow cooking his wife. (I hope he marinated her first, you know how gamey humans can taste. Especially when they’re not organic.)

My condition, technically referred to as a sexual disorder (fuck you DSM IV, like I don’t have enough disorders) is abasiophilia, although I’m not a nut for polio leg braces or iron lungs. They are SO 1950. Also I do not have a desire as many do with the “disorder,” for a person in a wheelchair to run over any part of my body. Generally if any activity, fetish or sport involves pain, then I’m out.

The thing I find most appealing (here it comes Freudians) is that I could wheel this man around to wherever I wanted (ha, you thought you were controlling) I could just sit him across from me and there he would stay. Perhaps he is independently wealthy from a large insurance payoff, or simply supported handsomely by my income (this is a fantasy remember so I make more than $4 a year.) He sits and does his thing: he reads a famous biography or draws architectural designs on a custom-made desk kindly donated by a Swiss company. Or he lifts weights with his unbelievable bi-s, tri-s, pecs, lats, delts and dimpled scapulas (scapuli?) Occasionally he pauses to wheel himself to the highly accessible polished chrome kitchen to pour himself a juice with which to take his meds (I don’t know- there’d be meds wouldn’t there?)

And I swear I would never walk downstairs in an argument, leaving him to talk to himself. Never! Or not unless there were very special circumstances, like say, him disagreeing with me in any way.

Look I have never once implied that I was sane, only you dear readers kindly reassure me by your various comments and emails telling me I’m not alone in the way I look at life. So go on. Tell me I’m not weird on this one. I dare ya.

Of course I would never ever ever want my husband in a wheelchair- that would not be good or sexually exciting at all. Firstly how the fuck is he going to help me with the kids? Oh yeah and I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to him. Right. That’s the first thing.

By the way, the very first fantasy I ever had about my husband back before we were even dating, now that I think about it, was sitting on his lap. The thought of it drove me to distraction, so that would be daddy issues? More likely it was about wanting to pin him to a chair or a couch or the back of a taxicab to prevent him from escaping, I mean leaving… Alas that has proven more difficult than anticipated. Turns out he has other stuff to do but sit and stare at me all day long and I would probably find it kind of creepy after a while and be like, Listen honey, you’re an able-bodied WHITE man, don’t you have a world to run?

Sexual attraction is not really a choice. We want to fuck who we want to fuck where, when and how we want to fuck them. (A horizontal bar over the bed? Some kind of harness? I’ve been doing a lot of yoga, I bet I could totally do twenty minutes of downward facing doggie.)

And then it turns out there are hundreds of websites for us “able-bodied devotees” (someone thinks I am able-somethinged!) dawn-disableddating.com, whispers4u.com and dateable.org.

Ah… G-d bless the Internet. There truly is something for everyone… although if you come across my profile please don’t tell my husband. He might be kind of offended that I’d consider leaving him for someone even lamer.

48 comments

  1. I’ve got cerebral palsy and while I’m not your type (I have boobs and a vagina) it’s great to hear that some people might find my awkward way of walking attractive and downright sexy.

  2. Peaches thank G-d you wrote this! I read this blog out at a spoken word event tonight and got a stunned horrified silence. I had no idea this was such a taboo! Now I really know you’re brilliant because everyone I’ve ever met with CP is. Seriously, I was starting to wonder… so thanks.

    • Aw phst! If you can’t laugh at yourself, somebody else will. lol. If one disabled person had busted a gut laughing everybody else would have too. They were all chicken shit.

      • You should have been there! Sorry it took me so long to reply – I am closeted in a motel room finishing my book. It is hot as balls and I’m drowning in words. Hope your words bring me some fresh energy:)

  3. Baby I’m in love with you!!! I’m a 27 year old paraplegic. 3 and a half years ago I got into a real bad snowmobile accident. I wish you were my girl because I would treat you like a Queen like you are the only woman in the world!!!

  4. I once dated a guy who had muscular dystrophy and was in a chair, when I first saw him all I thought was wow, how cute is he, then I saw the chair and didnt care. Since then whenever I see a guy in a chair I find it a real turn on. I only dated him for two months before it ended, but it really was a great time in my life. Glad to know im not alone in this.

  5. This entire blog (that is what it is, right?) was hilarious to me. Not in a negative way, mind you. I’m in a wheelchair myself, a T3 paraplegic actually, and I’m JUST NOW discovering that there are people like you out in the world. I applaud you for your honesty, with yourself and with other internet readers. I wish I knew people like you growing up through my school years. This was a very fun read and you seem like a great person.

    • Thank you so much. I’m so glad my rantings made you laugh. I don’t know how to write anything other than what’s really on my mind, and when it makes a difference to people that’s a huge bonus. Good luck finding a fabulous lady – I’m sure you’ll have no trouble.

  6. Haha, we’ll said. I’m a para and you could sit on my lap anytime , we can talk about the first thing that pops up, if in any case it doesn’t then well, maybe I don’t have the arms of Arnie , or the strength of Rambo but I sure as he’ll can lick like lassie.

  7. I have found the most amazing guy. I’ve been with him for only about a month now, thanks to a normal dating site, and could not be happier. He makes me laugh and makes me and my kids so happy. He has spina bifida and is mainly confined to his wheelchair, but can get around a little with a walking frame. I am so happy to have him in my life.

    • Well It was a great 2 months, But it sadly ended last night. He was not the guy I thought he was (Or maybe he was and I was partially blinded by it), But our personalities clashed at every opportunity and it was time to move forward. Loved every moment of it, but he was just not the right guy for me in the end,

  8. Hey, Spend sometime with me if you want to understand anything about a night with a man that uses a wheelchair. I’ll meet you in Malibu. Give me the name of a cafรฉ, restaurant, bar and I will show up.

  9. i wood like to fine someone that can like me for me and dont see chair its so hard to fine someone to talk to becaucs of the chair

  10. what to say about me that i am a nice preson i got hurt and in a wheelchair for the last five years its bing so hard to fine a friend are someone to talk days of bing in the chair make me wont to give up on life like the chair makes me feel lke i dont have a life days i wish i have some one to talk to i wish god wood send me angel so who wood not see the chair but to see the good i have in me if anyone get to know me you wood like me i am a fun preson like to have fun play around with the one i am with if there is anyone that wood like to talk to me get to know me you can always free to send me a text t magga1@ymail.com are 347 948 0244

  11. I’m Josh. I’m a thirty year old guy in a wheelchair with cerebral palsy. I just stumbled across your blog post and just wanted to say it really made me feel great. I’d love to chat some time. If you’re up for it, let me know, and I’ll give you my contact info.

    • Josh thanks so much for reaching out. Your blog looks brilliant – coding is very impressive to me- I’ve even got my kids learning it, even though it will be one more thing they will know that I don’t. I’m really glad you found the article empowering- I guess many people still view this as taboo for some reason, though I can’t see why. We are all just people- the soul always shines through the package for me. I am in a relationship at the moment but can offer you friendship if you want it- can you Facebook me?

  12. your whole post tells me that you have a yearning to nurture and look after an individual you obviously feel compassion and sympathy for and probably a desire to go against the social norm of society. Your relationship with such a man would be inherantly based on sympathy and compassion and, to be honest, only a very emotionally weak and needy man would accept such a relationship – paraplegic or not. You sound like a sweet lady. Get yourself an ablebodied man. By the way i am a paraplegic from birth, John

    • John thanks for writing. What seems to be getting lost in translation is that this post is satirical. I don’t know why that is consistently missed, but the responses I’ve received both publicly and privately in the years since I wrote this refect that you guys are missing the humor for some reason. I would no more date a man just because he’s in a wheelchair than I would date a guy just because he’s black or because he drives a sports car. Why would I take one isolated quality about a whole human being and make it my thing? I understand that people have fetishes, but a relationship cannot be based on a fetish. Trust me, I’m a redhead, so I know…

  13. I can tell u from first hand experience that dating a man in wheelchair is amazing! definitely over compensates with what he does have well and working ๐Ÿ˜‰ hehe and he’s very hot! So handsome. Ahhh sigh

  14. I’m so glad i came across this because I felt alone, lol! I’ve never to anyone this but I am extremely attracted to men in wheelchairs and I don’t know why. Just seeing an attractive man in a wheelchair does something for me. Ahhh, I feel much better getting that out! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hi! I’m Sam. I’m in a chair and would like to meet a girl that will love me. I’m a computer geek, play wheelchair hockey, try to keep fit as possible. I’m a t5/t6 para and a single dad to a wonderful boy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Hi I would like to meet a girl who wouldn’t mind a guy in a wheelchair. Although I can’t walk, I can feel my legs and everything in my entire body. I’m college educated up to graduate school.

    Hope to hear from someone soon ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Hey Susanna Brisk I’m your man I’m a T6 and yes I can do done pretty amazing things with my hands and mouth. If interested you can find me on snapchat jrc81 or facebook Jesse Garcia.

  17. I use a manual chair and last night on the train a gorgeous (drunk) girl was hitting on me endlessly. It was a huge confidence booster. She really was up for a night of bed disco. But alas I’m married so we had a cheeky drink at my stop, she went on to hers. Had I not been married I would have bent her double after taking some viagra for sure. Personality is what matters. And banter. Im 35 T12. Man she was hot! But my wife is the one for me.

    • I love reading things like this. Lots of women find men in chairs attractive. I’m in a committed relationship with someone not in a chair but I can still crane my neck at the lights if I see one. I don’t know- it’s just a thing.

  18. Susanna I really truly enjoyed reading your blog, I’ve dated couple women now since my accident and my confidence level is even higher after reading your post, also I’ve read similar write ups like this one but none felt genuine and real! Found that you’re an Aussie girl too, I’ve always wanted to date an Australian and if they all have a down to earth personality like you, now I’m definitely looking to meet one!! Hope all is great with you, would love to chat sometimes as a friend ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I slept with a guy with CP last night (who’s in a chair), and really, there was nothing lacking. He was very kind and patient with me (I find it hard to climax with another person). He’s an excellent kisser and gifted with his mouth generally. Also, it was definitely more sexy because of the CP and the chair, becasue it was very different. Also, he cuddled like a pro. We were kissing at the bar earlier in the evening, and though this attracted some looks (we obviously had only just met each other), none of it was negative. Heavy metal/alternative bars are far better places for anyone ‘different’. If you want open minded women and guys that aren’t posturing assholes, go to an alternative pub.

  20. Finally, someone who can relate! I was starting to think something was seriously wrong with me for having this fetish. The other day I was at my neighborhood Walmart, and as my mother was scolding me on getting another tattoo, and making better life choices, all I could focus on was the guy in my peripheral vision as he leaned over to grab a box of Frosted Flakes. It took all the will power I possessed not to throw myself on his lap. Oh dear, how much this post makes me smile. I’m not alone!

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