Proof I Am Having A (Slightly Early) Mid-Life Crisis

Either that, or re-living my youth. I have seen many a 50 year old man try in vain to convince himself that a brightly colored convertible and a bad hairpiece is fooling anyone as to his demographic. As women and mothers, we owe it to our children to set an example of a more spiritual kind of emotional breakdown, something more akin to a re-birth than a regression to horny teen years that were never fully taken advantage of. Here are three things I am doing that clearly indicate that I am either re-discovering something joyful that was lost long ago, or that I am about to be admitted into a mental health facility. (My money is on the former…)

1. Playing with dolls.

Exhibit A: Partially Furnished Barbie Townhouse.

I’m working on the other furniture like an old, Italian craftsman.

2. Inability to resist a live microphone.

Exhibit B – Attending a 60th birthday party over the weekend, and once the birthday man got up to jam with his band, feeling compelled to get up and sing with them. I knew about three people in the room, and I had just met two of them.

In case you’re wondering I was singing The Beatles’ Happiness Is a Warm Gun (which may reflect how I feel about the possibility that I will one day turn 60.)3. Getting zits. In my late 30’s. When I go at this teen revival thing, I really go method…

Exhibit C – Ew.


  1. All completely normal from where I sit here in good old NEVERLAND; Wendy, Michael and John jumped ship years ago. I haven’t even seen peter or Tink for quite some time. Good thing rapidly aging blonde actress girl from LA is here holding down the fort of denial. The zit thing is tough, but I find if I don’t let my botox lapse, even for one day; my face stays so stiff and immobile, that the little fuckers cant even find a way to surface. I like to think of it as my invisible shield. It’s true that I can barely move over 90% of my head, but let’s be honest, facial expressions are for the weak and for those with mediocre vocabularies. Just ask Nicole Kidman. When last did you see her face or head move and her Oscars are too numerous to count.
    I like that the doll in the elevator resembles you if you were from Hong Kong, and shopping on Rodeo. Keep up the good work. As the CEO, CFO, CTO, GM and MD of Bunaglow Del Depresso, all I can say is, at least you’ve got a casa. The IRS stormed and seized mine years ago. Still, I maintain; everything is perfect! I’m smiling when I say that; you cant tell of course, but trust me, Im smiling… :l see?

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