The Beautiful Story of Chrismukah

Just moments ago I found myself yet again lying on a child’s bed I had just made whimpering “leave me alone” in response to said child calling me. Is that why they call them High Holidays because they make you want to get high?

The fact is that once again I have to face the fact that I love my kids more than life itself, and it’s a good thing too because they’ve ruined mine. Ruined it. Not a moment to myself even when I get a moment to myself. Right now I am typing this blog with my thumbs because for some reason when the computer comes out they mystically begin bugging me with rising hysteria. It’s as if the back of the laptop induces Pavlov’s Dog levels of anxiety. Meanwhile I’m trying to concentrate with Pokemon rival destinies playing in the background. Make that the foregound, they watch TV like they’re elderly old men with hearing damage.

They fight with each other. They throw popcorn at each other. They say things like “penis breath” which is funny and “a nut sack full of turds” which is not. They make paper planes with these words prominently displayed on them and I get so incredibly frustrated and helpless that all I can half-heartedly correct is, Terds is spelled with a “u.”

And if you want to say, Well they’re kids, they’re suppose to do that… Then you come over and take care of them! I need a nap.

All week they have been singing Christmas songs because as the mohel (Rabbi who circumsized them) once warned me if I didn’t send them to a Jewish school then they wouldn’t understand anything about it. And it’s happened they don’t know the difference between Purim and Halloween, and why we would even bother to eat Matzah on Passover. I am a bad bad Jew and an even worse mother, so tonight i am taking them to a Chanukah concert.

I ended up yelling at David in frustration earlier on the week, Stop singing Christmas songs!!!! Without skipping a beat he started singing,
“On the first day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, one big booby…”

I. Give. Up.

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6 comments

  1. your kids act in that way because you have all ways allowed it. Put your foot down and be their Mother not their friends or a grouchy babysitter. if you want your children to stop talking like that and stop fighting all the time then make them. remember that you are the parent and they are the children. If you have to then try sitting their asses with their noses to the wall for punishment. I truly believe that your children act like they were taught. I highly suggest you read some parenting books. This book helped me allot with my children but then again my children were never bad enough to talk like that to each other or anywhere near me or another adult. Don’t take me wrong because trust me I have family that has kids way worse than you can imaging and I think it’s their faults their children act the way they do. I am not picking on you just trying to help. The name of one of the books that helped me was “Discipline without shouting or spanking” by PhD, Jerry Wyckoff. Just try it who knows maybe you and your children will learn something.

    • Nothing wrong with my kids, I’m just impatient. I set good boundaries with them, they are just being normal boys. I want them to express themselves and I don’t have a conservative view of swearing. I exaggerate for humor, remember? Thanks, I will check out that book though, always good to get more advice, if you can actually use it in emotional situations.

  2. Thank you for sharing the love of a mom, truly I can relate to motherhood. I love my kids more than anything on this earth, too and yet they frustrate me to no end. They are mean to eachother one moment, then loving the next. I completely understand being drained and need a nap. Believe me when I tell you this, you are a good mom. I too, feel as if I am a bad mom at times, but truly since we take the time to care for them, we are good moms. I will pray for you and for God to pour His blessings upon you.

  3. As a very young (41) mother of two 20 something, well-adjusted, amazing kids- I just want to say, keep your eye on the prize! I’ve never known the freedom of creativity like these past 4 years since my youngest graduated high school. I used to think every stage was the best stage- I was right!

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