And by different, I mean from self and from last candidate… but first a little about me.
I’m not as smart as I think I am, though definitely smarter than a fifth grader. I’m expressive in every way – emotionally, verbally and most especially sexually. Past candidates have described me as “hot,” “rad” and also “tight.” Slight deficiency in the area of deep throat, but I’m working avidly on my gag reflex, in between raising two children, of course.
On the subject of children, contenders should be aware that I have two (2) sons, aged eight and nine and am responsible for their care, feeding and cleaning out their cages roughly half of the time. If you would like to partake of the hearty sexual appetite on offer, please consider coming over and throwing a ball around with the young rascals once a week. This shit ain’t free… even though I am not a materialistic person. In fact, I likely won’t be attracted to you if you have more than a pot to piss in. I’m attracted to ex-drug addicts, sober alcoholics and narcissists, however this could be the year that Resolution sticks!
I am looking for a warm, intelligent, funny, creative, consistent, caring, emotionally available, tall, hot optimist, who loves his mother (but not too much) and has just enough emotional damage to make things interesting, but not enough to inflame my abandonment issues. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
If you think New York, Monte Carlo and Tuscany are just hotels in Las Vegas, we probably don’t have much to talk about.
If you confuse “here” and “hear,” “your” and “you’re,” and use the words “bro” or “brah” in any context, we are not a match.
I’m not terribly superficial, but my chubby chasing years are behind me. Please be someone who is fond of occasional movement.
On the other hand marathon runners, weekend bicyclists or extreme sports nuts will find me terminally lazy. I will hike, camp and even get into cold bodies of water for love, but will complain quite a lot. Also I won’t ride a bike. Sorry. Jewish.
I am neither attached nor averse to dating a Jew, my ex-husband was (and is) one, and he’s a great guy for whom I would gladly write a reference! More important for me, is a spiritually aware individual who is honest, kind and open. (If you have to constantly tell me you’re spiritually aware, you may not be.)
I am what you could call “High Maintenance” although I can do a pretty good imitation of someone “Low Maintenance” for days, or even weeks, until I eventually snap (although I don’t yell at all if I’m getting properly laid.) Also, I’m kind of a Size Queen.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, the first truly honest profile in the history of online dating. Please message me if you think you might be up for wading into my murky depths. I promise that it won’t always be easy, but it will always be interesting.