You Know You’re Quitting Smoking If

1. You feel enraged and over-sensitive at the same time. The only reason you’re not going to kill someone, is you’d cry for too long afterwards.
2. You’re trying to tell yourself a sugared donut is a health food, because it has fiber and gives you “energy.”
3. You hate parenting even more than usual. Which is a lot.
4. You’re considering awarding your ex full custody so that you can move to another town and write under a pseudonym. (But if you can’t smoke there, what’s the point?)
5. You’re spraying a homeopathic concoction in your mouth every ten minutes because the lady at the health food store said it would help with the cravings. It’s not but by the end of the day, you’ll be hitting it straight into the vein.
6. You can’t believe you’re quitting AGAIN. Like, didn’t we already go through this last decade, and the one before that?
7. You’re writing this on a computer in the library, because you threw your laptop across the room. (Didn’t help. No toxic fumes to inhale.)



  1. De’Lusional Dude
    Grrreat post!!!… Been there and done that twenty something years ago only to restart chain smoking cigars this time around when my teenaged, now adult daughters moved in with me. I’m thinkin mega doses of thorazine this time around

  2. Lol, decided to quit smoking this week. And i can relate. I’m down to 5 smokes yesterday from about 25 and haven’t had one yet today. Its hard, but it can be done. My childrens little voices are a little more shrill than the used to be this time last week. And school term begins tomorrow as well so thats not helping.

  3. If it was easy no one with any sense would smoke. Here’s bit of advice. After a dozen failures I woke-up one morning and said to myself “Fuck this Shiite!” and never thought about it again till my daughters moved in with me. They were the reason I’d quit so many years earlier(Fkn Karma LoL). It’s gonna be tough Pretty Lady especially while under pressure but never lose focus of your goal.
    Good luck! and I’m rootin for ya Doll

  4. Yesterday at the camp out five months pregnant and that Benson and Hedges seemly so good I could have EATEN it.

    Encouraging my (non-smoking) husband to smoke so I can smell the smoky cowboy.

    Sitting next to the recovering addict at all meals, just in case

    Deep breathing cross legged on the back porch under these Australian stars doing American Indian smoke medicine healing meditation ceremony (yeh sure)

    My five childed uber mumma friend dreams of going to live in a cave and meditating for a living, sponsored by Winfield Blue cigarettes and Victoria Bitter beer. She wins (she always does).

    Love across the years, Charlotte (Teek) Houston

    • Hahaha Charlotte- you were always so poetic! It’s funny some women crave cigs when preggers- not me. It was all about the sushi I couldn’t eat. I guarantee you and your friend, the urge to run to a cave doesn’t go away, at least not for me. Thanks for reading!

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