How To Be A MILF

Being a MILF is less a question of looks, and more a question of what the French call “je ne sais quoi…” and I’m not sure I know “quoi” it is, but here’s what I’ve noticed:

When I haven’t showered, my hair looks like shit and I’m carrying the pre-period 7, I feel about as sexy as pudding. And I don’t mean the kind of pudding you dribble on your partner and lick off seductively, I mean pudding that sits in a dish and looks progressively more unappetizing as the day goes on, eventually growing a layer of toxic mold. And yet sometimes it is on those days when I get the most attention from men (and lesbians.) I do not understand this I am merely reporting it. Knowing this, it’s a miracle I ever shower at all.

I think what makes someone attractive is a certain comfortability in their own skin. Sure there are guys who are obsessed with finding a new, uncrow’s footed model to road-test every few years, but there are plenty who see through the slightly dinged up package, to the sexual gusto underneath. To increase this impression, try these tips…

1. Use lip-gloss.
2. Wear flattering clothing for whatever your shape.
3. Keep your mind active.
4. Keep your mind calm.
5. Don’t complain about your weight (and you can stop venting about that shit to me too.)
6. Don’t make your kids your entire life—have other interests, passions and conversational topics. (Not other people’s kids!)
7. Don’t be a cunt: don’t say anything about someone behind their backs that you wouldn’t say to their faces. It will make you more attractive, I promise.
8. If you’re dating, lead with your best qualities/talents/gifts—if it happens to be blowjobs, then perhaps find something a little more suitable for a first date, like the harmonica.
9. Don’t play games, be upfront with your feelings and intentions, it’s one of the best things about not being a teenager anymore, besides not having to go to high school.
10. Masturbate a lot. Keep that chakra open; it will give you an extra gleam in the eye that can’t be bought by Botox.

What do you think makes a MILF?

15 comments

  1. Smokin photo Brisk:-)

    As someone who spent some intimate time with an aforementioned Milf ( don’t remember using the term at the time )
    I’d have to say your ten point plan is pretty spot on.
    As someone from the opposite sex what attracted me to her was a self confidence that she had, an ease within herself. This was foreign to me at the time and it was sweet relief from the ‘girls’ I was dating at the time. Men spend far less time judging woman than woman spend time judging woman. Be kind to yourselves and each other.
    We are just happy your paying attention to us. For 98% of men, when we get you naked that is mission accomplished. (They’ve done studies you know). We are not looking to critique you, we’re too horny for that sort of time wasting. If you feel good about you that is sexier than any perfect body part you could wish for.
    This is all assume your wanting a man in the first place of course, but I think if you tick of that ten point plan you’ll be attracting them regardless!:-)

  2. I have to say, I have a lot more respect for you now that I’ve seen you semi naked! You’re gorgeous! (Which I already knew) Do you date married guys? I’ll give you my wife’s phone number… I’m sure she’ll be happy for a break!

  3. […] have written about hook-ups with Millenials, group sex, getting off with toys, BDSM and being a MILF, mostly out of a desire to claim that porn search word as an actual powerful voice- for us breeding […]

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