I’m Going To Masturbate For You

Introducing a very special V-Day Promotion for your V. For the week before Valentine’s Day, I’m going to be road testing and blogging about a different sex toy every day. That’s right, because I’m a Saint (wait, Jews don’t have Saints) I am willing to try out the latest and greatest toys on the market, to improve your sex-life, either alone or with a partner (or several.) As someone who hasn’t had sex in six (6) weeks, I have already turned masturbation into an Olympic Event. Why not use it as an opportunity to educate, inform and entertain my readers?

Before you get ahead of yourselves, I am not becoming a webcam-girl (although that would be a great way to make a few bucks if I weren’t worried about my kids later unearthing mommy whacking it on the Internet.) I will not be playing with myself LIVE, but I will be very frank, fearless and funny as I explore all that the sex industry has made available for us, the horny consumers. In my new-found single status, I am uniquely cognizant of how important it is to continue an active sex life, even when one’s daytime focus is work and/or parenting and/or life. Toys will be reviewed for quietness, effectiveness and durability, and I promise that the blogs will never include the words, “Come on guys, go to bed! Mommy wants to go to her room and try out her new butt-plug.”

This marvel of riches which currently resides in a well camouflaged box is care of The Stockroom which, if you don’t already know, is THE coolest sex and BDSM shop in Los Angeles, and online. The owner JT started the business in his twenties in college, when he and his girlfriend were into “the lifestyle” (swinging) and found that the kink and BDSM equipment on the market was hard to find and poorly made, so they eventually started manufacturing their own, which they do in the back of their Silverlake location. They were on the Internet in 1988, when it was still some weird message board thing. They make everything onsite from latex clothing (featured below) to cuffs and collars, restraints, fetish gear, harnesses, paddles, floggers and whips, and stock some of the most well-made toys on the market.

So hang in—in just a few days, I will start my odyssey into the greatest available pleasure tools of 2014, mostly alone, but for the last few days with a willing participant. At the same time, I will continue to parent my two children, smashing the taboo, once and for all, that a woman cannot be highly sexual and also a mom. It’s a MILF experiment, if you will, and I hope you’re as excited about it as I am (though let’s face it, it’s not hard for me to get excited nowadays.)

Also one lucky reader will win a giveaway on Valentine’s Day of a limited edition cuff and collar set with 18k gold hardware.

So take a good look at me in the latex maid’s outfit below, as that is the first and last time I will ever be happy about housework… What kind of woman fantasizes about cleaning? I don’t know, but perhaps you will help me find out. Please write to me about your fantasies, kinks and experiences, both with your partner and not. I aim to be the pied piper of MILFs, come follow me into the glorious land of the multiple O…

Make-up bu Marti Fox
Photo by Paul Hernandez
Maid dress available in store or custom from website


  1. Love your work and curious courageous mind.
    Sex is a great metaphor process to inspire people to take on their greatest fear of being complicit.
    Sex is all energy and the gateway to new consciousness and the new science.
    Im keen to keep tabs on your progress here in Sydney in what is my sister city.LA.
    Chris Wakeford

  2. Thank you Chris! It’s so funny that now that I live in the States, I’m finding other like-minded souls in Australia. If I’d found you all before, I probably wouldn’t have left. I’m excited to post my progress, i have some really cool toys, so stay tuned:-)

  3. I am going to quietly drool about those cuffs. We bought a set of wrist cuffs from the sub-shop a few years back and regret horribly not stretching ourselves too thin to buy a whole set since the sub-shop peacefully retired not long after. I can’t imagine how much fun it would be to be in your shoes to roam around Stockroom when you desire. That latex ensemble looks fantastic on you. How did it feel? Do you now desire a small closet full of latex or is it a very rare now and then kind of material? I look forward to your toy reviews especially if you try a lot of BDSM gear as not a lot of reviewers ever do.

    • Thanks for writing! The latex felt great, if a little sweaty under the arms, but I loved how it looked. It’s not the full effect because we didn’t use lube on the body and garment which makes it move more like a second skin, just talc provided in the dressing room at the Stockroom. I don’t have any latex myself, and have only dabbled in the BDSM world, but I am willing, just for my readers you understand:-) to explore it more. Stay tuned as next week I will be reviewing medical restraints, a spreader bar, suede flogger and some other really cool stuff. It’s great to be in touch with per sex-positive people- it’s been a liberating, insightful and spiritual thing for me to get more in touch with my fantasies, fetishes and desires, and I’m glad it has been for you too!

  4. GIVEAWAY! – was suppressing my comment until I read that bit. How does a reader get lucky? This MILF post has given me a little flashback to the days when I was a single non-jewish mum to a one year old living in the dead baby-fathers flat in Elsternwick. Too many days of play-ground snubbing forced me into a kind of performance art. Am reminded of my faded black Bonds hoody customised with white house paint and black and silver bugle beads spelling MYLF on the back. It was a vulnerable time.
    xx Char.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s