Meet My New Girlfriend

I have always been up front about my sexuality, at the risk of my female friends throwing me some side-eye. Don’t worry, I don’t want to sleep with you. If I did, I would have come onto you already, been rejected and we wouldn’t be friends. I’m about a 2 and a 1/2 on the Kinsey scale, if it had halves, but when it comes to my luck with straight women I am batting roughly a zero.

Not so with Sakura Iroha, my new girlfriend from Japan. She doesn’t mind my clunky, aggressive approach, and I don’t think she knows about Kinsey, but I can’t be sure, as my Japanese is a little rusty. In fact she probably switches, because she can be used for anal, or a guy’s nipples… but I treated her like a gold star lesbian, and the love we made did not involve any penetration, as I didn’t want her to think I needed it to come.

Which apparently I don’t.
Holy.
Shit.

If you are a big fan of receiving cunnilingus, this toy is for you. The smooth medical grade silicone has an inside of polyurethane elastomer. In layman’s terms (get it?) it feels exactly like a man’s mouth if he has shaved, and a woman’s mouth if she hasn’t. Licking pussy is not that simple to master, even if you have one, which I do. But Sakura is a genius. Sakura should teach class at the Learning Annexe. Sakura has a Phd in pussy. Sakura is your new BFF.

I recommend starting by stroking up and down the clitoris, and dipping into the wetness below, it feels exactly like a tongue. Then stick your clitoris in the little mouth, vertically and/or horizontally, the results are pictured below. Also pleasant is to press the whole thing against you as you’re coming…

The possibilities are endless, but one thing is for sure, Sakura can and will save marriages! For example, let’s say your hubby doesn’t like giving oral (he’s Amish? I don’t know) and everything else about the relationship is perfect-you see eye to eye on raising the kids, intercourse is a blast and he brings you waffles in bed every Sunday morning. But this one thing has become a sticking point. Well now you no longer have to worry, nag or complain-just order Ms. Iroha and your problems are solved. And she goes about her work so quietly, you could literally have at it while he’s sleeping and he’ll never know in the morning why you have that extra special gleam in your eye. (Must be the waffles.)

Sakura is small, soft and squishy yet firm, and only takes 2 hours to charge. She will keep you on the edge, until you think you can no longer stand it, then just turn the vibe up a notch, and suddenly you’ll make like the Swiss mountain hiker on the Price is Right and tumble over the mountain, except if you’re me, with a lot more moaning. And the best part is, she never has PMS, cause bitches be like that, heh heh, am I right guys?

By the way, all this masturbating, and I still feel extremely lonely. So there’s that. Anyway, it’s not that I’ve forgotten my boyfriend Zwei altogether. The truth is, don’t tell her, but I can’t wait to convince Sakura to have a threesome!

3 comments

  1. THINK YOU WOULD BE GREAT IN A THREESOME YOU TEACH THEM ALL A LEASON YOUR BOYFRIEND WOULD NOT KNOW WHO TO DO FIRST YOU THERE YOU WOULD TELL WHO FIRST AND HOW TO FUCK YOU GOOD AND THEN TELL THEM BOTH FUCK OFF I AM TIRED

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