I Have A Bourgeois Ass

I love anal sex. In theory. I like talking about it, watching it and having it, but when it comes to the latter, the mind is willing, but the flesh can be weak. I know I come off as some kind of sexual dynamo, capable of all kinds of naughty, but the truth is that this particular part of my love life has been a little… um, shitty.

The first guy I ever had anal sex with was my husband at the time and it was awesome! I read a bunch of books, researched websites and invested in lube. We had a blast, but didn’t do it that often because… I don’t know, we got busy? You know, kids and their never ending permission slips to sign…

Now that my life is not too busy for anal, I’ve found I have another problem. For some reason, the muscles in my sphincter are directly proportionate to the level of commitment I feel from someone. At the start of a certain recent relationship, I was all up in the anal stuff, and it was amazing… He was gentle about it, then rougher when I could handle it, but not before I could handle it. He also had a gigantic penis, so taking him was quite a feat I was proud of. I guess some people are proud of being good at math, but at this point I take my victories where I can get them.

Then as my trust in him waned and communication between us eroded, I found myself feeling less “safe” and my asshole clamped shut like a sea anemone. Mind you this did not effect vaginal or oral sex with him ONE IOTA. I was still ridiculously orgasmic from the moment any part of him touched any part of me, but while I could tolerate a finger or two, or a reasonably sized toy, I was completely unable to have anal sex. It just… didn’t work. And believe me when I tell you- WE TRIED. I would have stuck his dick in my ears and eye sockets if I could have, I wanted him so much. (Still do in fact.) But the ass had other ideas…

My attempts at anal sex since (and during) that open relationship were not much better. I can only conclude that my asshole is the JAPiest part of me- and requires a big diamond ring to open? Perhaps I can stare at my old engagement ring next time I’m trying it and try to fake out the ass? I think even more likely is that my ass is directly correlated to my heart, which has not even nearly recovered from the pain of that last relationship. This doesn’t stop me from having all kinds of experiences vaginal, oral and even virtual. But perhaps my ass is like my heart, it has resolved that if it stays shut, it may miss out on some pleasure, but at least it will save itself a lot of pain.



  1. My ex-wife had the same problem with me too. although I’m just of average endowment which has garnered me anal sex on many occasions( I guess not be monster size has it’s benefits). When my ex was completely in love with me she always made sure that she could accomadate me with her asshole and after the kids were born and I commited some acts that helped errode her trust in me, we still had great vaginal and oral sex but her asshole closed like a bear trap. It taught me a lesson, if I’m ever luck enough to be in love again and because of that I obtain anal privelge. Never ever do anything that will stop it from happening. I also have to say that I agree with Comic John too.

  2. […] 6. A surfer with long hair and a couple of Phd’s. 7. An empath who will pull my hair while he fucks me in the ass. 8. A Shaman capable of banishing all my negative thoughts who accepts and embraces my darkness. 9. […]

Leave a Reply to susannabrisk Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s