I May Be A Slut But I’m Still A Lady

Hook-up culture can be so mystifying. You’re going to perform an intimate act with a near stranger, and yet you don’t want to give up your self-respect with your orgasm. I’ve noticed that men are prone to judging a woman a “slut,” like that’s a bad thing, when the actual definition is:

Slut:
A woman who has many casual sexual partners.

Consider this definition:

Man: A person who has many casual sexual partners.

I suggest a new definition:

Slut:
A woman who loves sex, and will seize an opportunity to have a safe erotic encounter with someone to whom she is attracted.

There. No harm, no foul. A true slut is discriminating– she fucks people she feels a connection to (no mercy fucks) with no cheating, no lying and no element of compulsion. Ladies, please value yourselves enough to demand good treatment, and most of the time you will get it. Here are some tips for gentlemen, to ensure that everyone feels respected and appreciated, even when undertaking acts our Puritanical society deems “filthy.” Enjoy!

1. If she’s staying overnight, and carrying a heavy bag, offer to carry it. Women are generally physically less strong than men; if you want her to act like a woman in bed, treat her like one out of it. As you are expecting her to be someone with a vagina, that will shortly encompass your penis, then let her know you appreciate it. (If she wants to carry her own bag, don’t snatch it from her you brute.)
2. Open the door for her. See Tip #1.
3. Don’t walk five steps ahead of her. Every day I see guys in relationships who do this to women; it’s a not so subtle message they use to telegraph to a woman that she is not as important as they are. You wouldn’t rush in front of someone walking into a conference room, why not show the person you’re fucking the same respect?
4. Treat her with respect. Dirty talk is great, but it doesn’t mean treating someone like dirt. Listen and at least feign interest in what she is saying. This is a human being, and so are you, why say “please” and “thank-you” the way you would with any other human being?
5. Don’t be demeaning- unless she specifically says that’s her thing; if it is it’s likely just in bed and not at Starbucks. Where does it say that a dude can’t be a gentleman even if he’s decided a woman is a “slut” a “skank” or a “whore,” (or even if she enjoys being one for the night.)  What does that say about you if you look down on a woman for having sex with you (Madonna/Whore much)? She may be a skank, but tonight she’s your skank. 
6. Be affectionate. You both want sex, but does that mean you can’t hold hands, have eye contact or cuddle? Maybe men think a woman will misinterpret affection as a sign that they want to have a relationship with her. If you’ve been clear about the parameters of the encounter, that will not be the case. If you’re both discerning about who you choose to fuck, hooking-up can be a great opportunity to feel a little human touch, even outside of the genital regions.
7. After the act, if she is at your place, don’t rush her out of there. You may even offer her a glass of water, don’t worry—she will leave in a few minutes and you will have your precious man cave back. If you are at her place, don’t grab your pants and start putting them on the second after you’ve come. Give it a few minutes for you both to recover, and then try non-verbal cues to suggest that your time together has come to an end. If not, gentle and direct sentences like “I have to get up really early tomorrow, would you like me to walk you out?” are perfectly fine.
8. Always, ALWAYS get dressed again and walk a woman out of your house or apartment, even if she insists you don’t have to. It’s a sign of respect. You don’t have to go all the way to her car, but at least to the front of the building shows her you appreciate her effort in taking off her clothes in front of you.
9. Verbalize your appreciation about what took place. Just a simple, “Thank you that was great,” or “That was really hot, thanks for coming over,” go a long way in making you both feel good about things.
10. Send a text the next day. In the old days, perhaps we used to wait by the phone for a guy to call the day after sex, and I can understand why he didn’t. (That was also before it was widely understood that women want sex as much as men do.) Now that there is no pressure to make small talk, there is no excuse for not sending a text to say thanks. It’s just manners. Don’t worry, she won’t show up at your house with wedding napkin color wheels…

Turn the Walk of Shame into the Stride of Pride!
Turn the Walk of Shame into the Stride of Pride!

15 comments

  1. I’m so proud of myself; I’m 10 for 10.(albeit not all during same encounter.). You hit it right on the heads; cuddling, small talk etc, I always was afraid it could be misinterpreted ( like leaving cab fare on the night stand). And as for ‘whore’, ‘skank’ and ‘slut’; I married a woman that I referred to by those names. Granted, I started calling her these endearments after the wedding…

  2. I think as time and tide has moved on and peopl have evolved, I think we are slightly deviating away from the idea off monogamy. If you live in a country or state, where beautiful women and men are abundant, it is extremely difficult to not turn ones head and observe, moreover be aroused by what you are observing. I find it, after living in California and living in Australia and New Zealand to be very difficult. I myself am someone who absolutely loves sex and often engaging in the thrill of meeting someone new and letting immediate arousal and attraction take it’s place. I have discovered over the years, in myself personally, that people have been convinced or brainwashed against our natural desire to experiment. There are moments that I have observed 2 people meeting and being instantly attracted sexually, mentally and physically and convicting themselves to ignore those desires based upon what they have been taught by people, religion, etc. Some people find that “one” and they are totally completed in every which way. Then there are others that have that 3rd eye open to experimenting with multiple partners and the differences from one partner to the next. It’s kind of like food shopping. When we go to the store, we buy the basics, but are attention is always drawn to some new flavor or delicacy. Why do we stop at cuisine? Why do we not sample the multitudes of relations that are out and about the world? I myself find it intriguing and exciting. Sadly we live in a country where open thinking is often suppressed by those who do a more treacherous unjustice to mankind over the love of greed and power. Those same people in secret also engage in such sick pervertwd activities that it would make most of us cringe or vomit. Yet those same people and institutions would have us be called “sluts” and “whores” for wanting to enjoy multiple sexual experiences. To be very honest, some of the best sexual escapades that I have had were during a time of singularity and multiple female partners. At the end of the day, to each his or her own. Do nothing to cause harm and do nothing to invite said harm into one’s life. It’s a choice. A choice that we have the right to make and experience at our will. Anyone that possesses any minute speck of enlightenment knows that corporate propoganda whether in print or picture usually is aimed at bias to distract and dismantle the human spirit. I prefer to listen to me, myself and I and those that really “know” me.

    • Yes yes yes and yes. I’m up for trying all the flavors, and also willing to stick to mostly one if I find the perfect combo- what the Japanese call Umami. I don’t think I believe in monogamy anymore though- I see too many people cheat and lie just because they won’t admit a natural human appetite to try other things. And yes especially to hypocrites living in one way in private, then another in public. I get it- marriage, kids, not wanting to lose it all, but not the condemnation. Jealousy and possessiveness are difficult to master, but like anything else an opportunity for growth. Do what works for you. G-d bless America.

  3. Susanna, your gyna-examination and well overdue societal commentary regarding the secretly prized-by-many, obligatory-free, string-free (except for the playful literal use of the word) and physically euphoric encounter-erotica, in which adult men and women have been engaging since ancient times, is an organically grown minty breath of fresh air to me! Of which, I cleansingly inhale via my ever strengthening diaphragm!
    You gently remind men that a lady’s sexual appetite can be fierce, while her interest in domesticity and monogamy null. All the while, however…. she is still a lady and it would behoove them to take notice!
    And when the mutually agreed upon rapturous encounter is realized, it may be sexually ferocious or playfully symbiotic, but one thing is certain, she WILL be sprinkled with a translucent and exquisite powder; similar to that of a butterfly’s wings – a powder of courtesy, civility and respect. This delicate powder of flight, if not revered and tended to honorably, could prevent the magnificent butterfly from flying…..at least flying ever again with HIM! Bravo!

  4. Where was this wave of feminism/monogamishism when I was single? I was an advocate of such treatment before my nuptials.

  5. […] what it was like to have sex with anyone else. THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH CASUAL SEX. Fortunately, because of this blog, if I ever forget what sex with others was like, I can always […]

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