1. Traumacated- the feeling when you realize that you haven’t achieved what you set out to in life and no medication can fix it.
2. Tinderlie- the bullshit a guy says to get laid that you will believe even though you’re a grown woman and should know better, not to mention you met him on a hook-up app.
3. Kid-Crap- the constant underfoot detritus your kids strew around the house usually containing at least one sharp plastic object that will require stitches if stepped on.
4. Co-parenting- the illusion that you can control another person’s actions when you are not there because you used to sleep with them.
5. Defenattack- the attitude to assume when anyone tells you anything about your kids you don’t want to hear or asks why your marriage didn’t work out.
6. Obamenate- the act of blaming the current President for everything that is wrong with your life, including your kids’ behavior and your marriage not working out.
7. Momentenium- the amount of time it takes a friend, colleague, acquaintance, other parent or lover to answer a text, which can be calculated as the amount of time they have available minus the exact amount of fucks they give about you.
8. MILFatigue- Having kids, being single and tired of looking cute when you leave the house.
9. Depressatarian- Someone who has accepted that there is no cure for depression as every medication stops working eventually and has instead incorporated lying in bed feeling sorry for themselves as a normal part of their week.
10. Childburn– The condition a parent gets when they realize that though they no longer have to drive the kids to school daily for summer vacation, they now have to spend every waking moment from 6 a.m. until 9 p.m. sorting out their kids’ various problems, spats and issues every day for two and a half months.