Magical Properties Possessed By My Vagina:

1. Orgasms- single, multiple and consecutive- look ma no hands.
2. Bird calls.
3. Homing device for dysfunctional men.
4. Nuclear reactor.
5. Keeps legs from floating away (not too familiar with science- it’s something like that right?)
6. Can cause incurable insanity in self and others.
7. Makes an excellent pet.
8. Predictor of rains, tides and Tsunamis.
9. Sheds glitter.
10. Candy dispenser.
11. Jewelry emporium.
12. Lie detector.
13. Defensive tackle.
14. Can tie a knot in a cherry stem.
15. Intergalactic communication device.
16. Druid philosopher (technically it’s Druidic philosopher, but that doesn’t flow as well. My vagina told me I needed to make the distinction though.)
17. Psychic, to the point of clairvoyance.
18. Seminary candidate.
19. SEO magnet.
20. Can either ruin or make life, thus making it the most deadly weapon known to humanity; a power not to be wielded lightly that requires a governing group of elected officials, not unlike the United Nations, or at least someone more discerning than my undisciplined ass.


  1. At least you don’t get echoes in there…here’s a tip that would have helped me when I was younger: if it smells like bread that’s rising…run

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