1. You’re neglecting your kids waiting for some idiot to text you back, while also hoping he/she/it never texts you again. (Have they died? It’s preferable to not hearing from them knowing they are still alive.)
2. You throw up either before during or after a date and it’s not from bad shrimp.
3. You’re still angry at the last ten people you dated.
4. Your marriage is starting to look like “the good old days.”
5. The thought of getting dressed and going somewhere to try and impress someone is marginally less exciting than a root canal.
6. You’ve contemplated throwing your cell phone in the toilet so you wouldn’t be able to be reached, even though your blocked contacts list is longer than your regular phone list.
7. You’re actually willing to forego sex so you don’t have to deal with someone else’s bullshit.