1. You miss them when they’re with the other parent, but dread having them back, because when you do, you will be doing it ALONE (alone, alone, alone…)
2. No one to back you up when you’re disciplining them, if you have two children you’re outnumbered.
3. You can’t enjoy them because you’re too busy with the minutiae of housework (I need a wife.)
4. When the kids say, “I miss daddy! Where’s daddy?” as if that’s your fucking problem anymore.
5. I’m more likely to get hit by lightning than find a hot, smart, emotionally available, funny guy I’m attracted to, who also wants to co-parent my kids.
6. I NEVER imagined that kids could bang on the door of a room you’d locked yourself into (for their protection) but if there was someone else there, perhaps that person could distract them away from the door with treats.
7. You have to yell to get them to listen to you, because they don’t react the first three times you say something, essentially you have to turn into a person you despise who yells a lot.
8. Being an only child, growing up I had no one to roll my eyes with, now as a parent, I once again have no one to roll my eyes with.
9. Even though you can tweet it, there’s no one who really gives a shit when your kid says that cute, funny thing.
10. There’s no “suicidal feelings” in TEAM.