The 10 Worst Things About Being A Separated (Co-parenting) Mom

1. You miss them when they’re with the other parent, but dread having them back, because when you do, you will be doing it ALONE (alone, alone, alone…)
2. No one to back you up when you’re disciplining them, if you have two children you’re outnumbered.
3. You can’t enjoy them because you’re too busy with the minutiae of housework (I need a wife.)
4. When the kids say, “I miss daddy! Where’s daddy?” as if that’s your fucking problem anymore.
5. I’m more likely to get hit by lightning than find a hot, smart, emotionally available, funny guy I’m attracted to, who also wants to co-parent my kids.

6. I NEVER imagined that kids could bang on the door of a room you’d locked yourself into (for their protection) but if there was someone else there, perhaps that person could distract them away from the door with treats.
7. You have to yell to get them to listen to you, because they don’t react the first three times you say something, essentially you have to turn into a person you despise who yells a lot.
8. Being an only child, growing up I had no one to roll my eyes with, now as a parent, I once again have no one to roll my eyes with.
9. Even though you can tweet it, there’s no one who really gives a shit when your kid says that cute, funny thing.
10. There’s no “suicidal feelings” in TEAM.



  1. 11. Your visiting kid finds a vibrator in your night stand and you convince him it’s ‘to get rid of wrinkles and you later find him rubbing it all over his face…(true story…sigh)

  2. If three out of the 5 search criteria you mention are met, would/could that be enough to float your boat on a daily basis???… ‘occasionally, lightning does strike twice’. I’m just thinking out of the box. I love pushing the envelope

  3. Oh. My. G-d. My kids have not found any of my equipment. For such a liberal person, I think if it happened, I would die. I am going to use the skin/wrinkle lie if it happens before they’re old enough to know better. Brilliant… until you find the kid rubbing his face on the… eeeewwwwwww.

Leave a Reply to If My Vagina Had Known What Dating Would Be Like, She Would Have Stayed Married | Malibu Mom Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s