How To Tell A Guy About Your Personality Disorder

Early on in every relationship I have to have “the conversation,” and this is after the other conversations that are not exactly easy like: “I have two children, are you aware I have two children I’m responsible for more than half the time?” Okay? Great! Then there’s “Just so you know, I live in the same house as my ex husband. We are co-parenting and have separate entrances; it’s just temporary, but it’s a transitional time and it’s the best I can do for now.” Okay? Cool. And then… there’s the touch of mental illness. Here is what it’s like to tell a guy you’re dating that you have a Personality Disorder: INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

SUSANNA (40, MILF) is wearing a nice dress for the occasion. SIMON (50, DILF) is slightly nervous to hear the news she has been promising to share.

SUSANNA
So, um, thanks for meeting me.
SIMON
Sure. Of course. You look great!
SUSANNA
Thank you! (shyly) So do you.
SIMON
So what did you want to tell me?
SUSANNA
Well… I have this thing that makes me a little different from other women. It has caused me to behave strangely sometimes, but I’ve had a lot of therapy for it, and I have a lot of good qualities because of it, a lot of empathy for people, but I’ve also been hospitalized for it a couple of times. So basically I’m looking to know that you’re into dating chicks with tails.
SIMON
I’m sorry, WHAT?

Susanna’s TAIL starts sneaking out and peaking over the top of the table.

SUSANNA
Look, I can totally pass, you know, for a woman without a tail, but occasionally, it’s an issue. It’s bushy right now but I can shave it as well…
SIMON
I’m going to get the check.

END SCENE.
CUT TO:

EXT: HILLSIDE – DAY
Susanna skips through the hills with her tail swinging proudly behind her with the following in V/O:

SUSANNA (V.O.)
So next time you find out someone you know or love or want to sleep with has a mental illness, just think of it as a tail… It’s not a bad thing, more like a quirk, an endearing and unique trait that will make your life that much more interesting!

THE END.

4 comments

  1. Common, you can do better than that! This is a cop-out! Tail is just sexy, slightly kinky, but f-n hott!! I would love to chase tail who has one. A tail is not comparable to a personality disorder, even if it’s hairy… Deliver as advertised, pls…

  2. […] I want something “casual” and then my femaleness, not to mention remaining traits of a treated personality disorder, defeat me every fucking time (literally.) I keep this information from the subjects of my […]

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