How Bad Is Your Holiday Depression? A Questionnaire

You’re taking a Christmas trip, looking forward to it because…
A. You’ll get a much-needed vacation.
B. You’ll get away from the kids.
C. You’ll get a change of scenery.
D. The plane might crash.

Your biggest fantasy involves…
A. Eggnog.
B. Body parts.
C. Eggnog and body parts.
D. A firearm.

Your friend gets a bonus and a promotion. You…
A. Feel happy, though a little envious.
B. Feel overwhelmed, but strive to work harder.
C. Think about taking them out to lunch to try to figure out their modus operandi, but never do it.
D. Take a ten-hour bitter nap.

Your kid is excelling at sports (or math, or music.) You…
A. Congratulate yourself on a parenting job well done.
B. Feel optimistic about their future.
C. Encourage them towards greater achievements.
D. Know it all has plenty of time to go to shit.

Around holiday time, you like to watch…
A. Christmas Comedies
B. Historical dramas
C. Sci-fi blockbusters
D. The wall.

When at a holiday party you are…
A. Social- you love to be around others.
B. More quiet- you let others take the spotlight.
C. Good after a few drinks.
D. Wondering which one of them you could pay to kill you.

Your co-workers like you because…
A. You’re the life of the party.
B. You’re a trusted confidante.
C. You’re honest, even when you’re feeling blue.
D. You’re so fucked up it makes them feel better.

When people make plans for Christmas you feel…
A. Excited (even if you’re Jewish) who doesn’t like Christmas?
B. Resistant to the commercialism.
C. Sick of the jingles.
D. Hopeful- so many sleeps until Christmas- maybe one of them will be a coma!

What I want for Christmas is…
A. Hand relief.
B. Prozac.
C. A new on the market anti-psychotic.
D. A guillotine.

Your New Year’s Resolutions are…
A. Unrealistic- you know you will slip by February.
B. Entertaining- you’ve decided to be more outrageous next year.
C. Nonexistent- you don’t believe in resolutions.
D. Death.

How To Score your answers:
If you didn’t pick D, you will probably make it through the holidays.
If you picked D on all questions- congratulations on being honest, now please go get some help! Please know that it will pass! And you are special and I love you, and at least one other person does, so you’re not alone! Leave inspirational stories of enduring depression or kicking its whiny little ass below:

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