10 Things I Have Learned About Dating At 40

1. If they’re not that into you, no amount of sucking, licking or baking will make it so. Move on to someone who is. Just MoveOn.org.

2. You can elevate the beloved beyond anything they ever were in reality. Keep fantasy love for the movies, and work on seeing people for who they are, before sleeping with them robs your rational mind of precious blood flow.

3. Guys in their twenties are much nicer to me now than when I was their age. I don’t know what that’s about, but it’s awesome. (Might be because they know I don’t want to get married and have kids, now that I know what that’s actually like.)

4. I hate when people say there are either a. no soul mates or b. just one. I prefer to think that there are c. many. Connections with people can be frequent and intense, doesn’t mean you have to act on all of them sexually. These connections don’t have to derail your life.

5. Sometimes these connections will derail your life, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Desire, sex, kinks, appetites will have their way with you if you don’t somehow express them. (Hmmm… die inside, or pitch a wrecking ball at your status quo? #FunChoices)

6. No one can be a god to you but the god inside you. Do not make anyone your everything, it makes you a nothing, even if you die in that person’s arms 6 minutes apart The Notebook-style.

7. There is a fine line in men between “stoic” and emotionally constipated. The latter- not that hot.

8. The skin cream, dieting, surgery and fashion companies are lying to you- men are not solely attracted to nubile, unwrinkled, skinny bitches with tits. More importantly, don’t devalue yourself for marketing that demands you buy shit to feel acceptable.

9. Great sex has nothing to do with love. It’s nice to have them together, but they are also very nice apart. Those who say otherwise may not be lying, doesn’t mean they know what the fuck they’re talking about. (Literally.)

10. You can survive anything. For someone who didn’t think she would live past 21, then 33, to find myself at this juncture is amazing. No matter how self-destructive you are or how badly someone has hurt you YOU WILL SURVIVE to go on another bad date. And, more importantly, another good one, even if it is a nice sushi dinner with your favorite person- YOU.


    • Yeah that one is life changing. Taken me a long time to see it- so many people out there just flat out incapable of intimacy with another person. Sometimes when I thought a man was a strong, silent enigma he was actually just “suppressed.” Just incapable.

    • I forgot about Xaviera Hollander! Thank you. I used to masturbate to that book when I was very young. Unlike her I have never taken money for sex. I Googled her she runs a bed and breakfast now!

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