10 Signs You Might Be Ready For A Relationship

1. You’re sick of hauling your own groceries and therefore could consider putting up with someone’s bullshit. (If you’re male you’re sick of cooking your own groceries, or would like to cook them for someone who is of age.)

2. You can handle and even enjoy spending long chunks of time by yourself without fifteen hours of Candy Crush/House of Cards/whacking it/all three.

3. The thought of having someone to share your life with fills you with an appropriate amount of emotion – neither desperate panic nor psychotic overstimulation.

4. You are not completely bitter about every relationship you’ve ever had starting from your father, through your husband(s), to every guy before or since. (Ditto for Mommy, Wifie and Rando Dearest if you’re a dude.)

5. You can’t have any more anonymous sex; it’s leaving more holes than it fills. You may not have given up sport fucking entirely, but you’re clear it ain’t doin’ what it used to, even with formerly reliable hook-ups.

6. You have two bedside tables and one of them is empty, or at least full of sex toys you could move if needed.

7. You have closet space. Even if you’re not planning to move in with someone after the first date (scratch that if you’re a lesbian) your closet may reflect the mental space you have available to share with someone.

8. You have extra bandwidth and so do they. Someone may claim they want a “relationship” but don’t seem to have any capacity left after work/parenting/school/health/porn to actually get to know another human let alone commit to them.

9. You’re willing to compromise. A good place to practice this is with people you’re not fucking. If you’re coming to blows over shared appetizers, you likely still have work to do.

10. If you were a steak you’d be neither rare nor overdone- if you feel unformed and not quite “cooked” in terms of life experiences, go get some! Try not to get burned to charred remains that are no longer edible, but don’t worry if you’re a little singed- we all are.

A little tenderized but ready to go
A little tenderized but ready to go


  1. What if you like the idea of being single (with an open mind for more)…
    …embracing the days of alone time…
    …having plenty of bitterness about past relationships…
    …LOVING the adventure of things…
    ,,,prefer someone else to pick the appetizers (unless filled with cilantro)…
    …realizing there’s an unformed person behind your veil…
    …YET loving the idea of falling into the arms (and full body) to embrace another?

  2. Truths abound throughout. The groceries line made me smile. I’m too ADD to get into elaborate cooking, so I make excellent quality meals I can get to sooner than later, and without too much labor. But, I AM bored (with my own) cooking in my own self-imposed “prison with golden bars” environ.

  3. […] of one- well two, I guess, including me, so more of a pas de deux really, forgive me if I’m less inclined to share. Be assured that I have not compromised anything in the area of complementing drives with my […]

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