10 Signs You Are Kinky

1. The term bisexual feels restrictive to you. Really? Just males or females? Those are my only choices? That’s so 2013.

2. You fetishize utilitarian objects. For example, a trip to either the gynecologist or the racetrack is enlivened by the presence of stirrups.

3. Your web bookmarks might be saved as “Cupcake Recipe” but they really lead to kink.com, or ProVillain or other nefarious sites. (Vanilla porn is about as arousing as reading a cupcake recipe.)

4. You were asking someone to spank you or being spanked sometime around 6 or 7. Or just fascinated but afraid to ask. This also includes “innocent” games like doctor (with or without people you were related to) or getting neighborhood children to show them theirs or showing yours (even if you ran away, or they did before anyone saw anything, it counts.)

5. The idea of being physically restrained is appealing/calming/inviting to you (ropes, belts, ribbons, chains, scarves, pantyhose, stockings, etc.) either as the restrainer or restrained. Possibly even before that publisher put that tie on the cover of that book.

6. If as a child or young adult, you sodomized yourself with at least one household object. This is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of- bar of Palmolive, root vegetable, screwdriver set; no harm no foul, as long as getting them out didn’t require paramedics. (Pro tip: Try a sanitized object with flared base because now you adult.)

7. You have fantasies so unique you haven’t even seen them acted out on the glorious Internet- sometimes these involve taboos, but maybe your sexual deviance is so creative it has actually surpassed the collective consciousness. (Paraplegic pirates in Hello Kitty knickers?)

8. You have a massive revulsion towards some particular sexual concept. In my experience, the stronger the knee jerk emotional response, the more likely you will be into this very thing six months from now.

9. Your idea of gender is fluid, on a kind of continuum. In your mind with one partner you are a little girl, with another a dominating gangster dude, all without donning a costume. You have nursed these fantasies for decades and might assume everyone has them. (Also, nurses.)

10. You have a sense of disappointment if a sexual encounter is too “vanilla“- if no one tried some kind of role play or messed with your head in some new way, it’s all a little bit of a yawn. Even if you had fun or felt a connection, there is a sense that a particular itch didn’t get scratched.

If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, congrats! Being kinky is absolutely nothing to be ashamed or worried about. In fact, all of this could just be “normal” but has a name because people like to stick things in categories and label them. In fact to be kinky is to reject a catchall idea of sexuality, and so has the potential to be one of life’s most precious gifts of self-expression and healing. If you congregate HERE or in the comments below, you might just find your people…

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