When You Can’t F*** Whom You Want

We humans are comprised of a Physical Body and an Energy Body. If you don’t believe me, read this book. Still don’t believe me? Doesn’t matter, it’s science. The existence of the Energy Body has been scientifically proven, beyond the idea of “Chakras” or energy centers, but as an actual force field. If you are an intuitive based person you didn’t need the proof. You believed that hocus pocus mumbo jumbo from the beginning, because of how the hair on the back of your neck stood up when you saw that one particular dude who seemed altogether pleasant. Your Physical Body said “Oh, here’s a handsome fellow,” but your Energy Body said “Um, nope.” You may have gone ahead and gotten involved with that person anyway, in business or bed, and lived to regret it. You may call it intuition, a sixth sense, a feeling, but some of us are better at listening to it than others. The question is what happens when the Physical Body and Energy Body are at odds?

I should know. With a lifetime of “emotional problems” behind me, I came to find that many of my “diagnoses” are actually energetic issues. We must all deal with the nervous systems we have been given. Why do some people go through life unflinching from loud sounds, lights, or a trip to that house of horrors known as Chuck E Cheese? I recall a Letterman prank years ago where they came up behind people on a New York street with a foghorn; the New Yorkers were barely responding, while the tourists would jump skyscraper-high. Do those New Yorkers have a stronger, more robust nervous system from living in the City, or have their nerve endings been filed down from a lifetime of noise, Subway smells and other sensorial overload? I don’t know the answer to that question, but I know that my Energy Body is dying to live in New York City again. My Physical Body? Not so sure.

And so it is with sex. Of course it is. Sex is a microcosm of all personal paradigms, a pathway into emotional wellness, a journey into the soul, and an opportunity to get closer to the Divine in yourself and other(s). What is so frustrating to this sex aficionado is when both bodies do not align on a particular subject. Heartbreaking, in fact.

In the past it has been my Energy Body that wanted to be with someone, and the Physical body would not co-operate. Consider as evidence someone I dated who happened to have long term kidney problems. I was crazy about him, intellectually and culturally we were a great fit, but he was being emotionally withholding throughout most of the “relationship” and I was telling myself I could handle it. However, my Physical Body wasn’t having any of it. After about a month, I developed a bladder infection that lasted for FIVE WEEKS. I tried every single natural cure, acupuncture and finally a course of strong antibiotics, and the UTI symptoms would not go away. My body was saying “No” even while my heart was saying “Yes.” Once I broke up with him symptoms cleared up in a week. Riddle me that one Neil deGrasse Tyson.

I am so energetically sensitive, I will literally take on the field of the person I am with. I believe many people are; they just don’t know it. There is evidence to suggest that women especially those having unprotected sex (once you both get tested, people, be smart) carry the DNA of male lovers for up to two years after a sexual act. This is a reason to be more discerning, certainly not to give in to repression (cultural and psychological) or shame or fear. Simply a listening to one’s own deepest needs, on both Physical and Energy levels, and believing you deserve to have them met, no matter how horny you are.

So while the Physical Body wants to play sexually with all manner of people, sometimes the Energy Body knows better. And I HATE that I have to listen, but if I don’t the penalties are too steep. When I don’t listen to either my Physical or Energy Bodies, they come to a painful and ugly detente. Thankfully, these now only last a day or less, where it used to take weeks to realize something was out of alignment and cause my then husband great pain and worry, usually resulting in just upping my dose of meds. Sadder still is that my Physical Body wanted to stay in that relationship, but my Energy Body could not take one more minute. This is what I need to remember when nostalgia creeps in and colors the memories Sepia.

I no longer take psych meds, so I cannot swallow down my Highest Good with a glass of water. This is not a comment on psych meds, as they save many lives, but as an Energy Body dominant person, they make me dissociate more, which is not a good thing. Regrettably, I have to live in alignment with my authentic self. And sometimes sadly for this ethical slut, that means not being able to fuck whom I want, even when they want it too. Lately my Physical Body has been saying “Yes” but an ever more attuned Energy Body is like “Really? That guy? Have you considered how being with him makes you FEEL, not just inside your glorious vagina, but elsewhere, in the places a little harder to sense?” This is not a comment on someone personally, or me personally, or any indictment of either of our characters. Just as we must intuit what foods agree with us, whether we can tolerate alcohol or have other allergies, we must be honest with ourselves; and this is no fault of broccoli, or beer, or Brazil nuts. Even if the sex is glorious, even if I adore him, even if I am hot for every hair on his body, when one or both bodies start to rebel, I have to listen. Because no orgasm is EVER worth getting between you and you.

Time to pay attention to both Bodies


  1. Bravo Susanna. You write a truth we should all learn as soon as possible. As a man on this flight pattern of not just sleeping with anyone. Rather committed to the profound beauty of deep intimate sexless friendships. I trust that when a life partner arises with similar life long commitments in both lifestyle and desire for adventures, our union of physical bodies, energy bodies and perhaps other elements will be undeniable for us both. Once again, your views unleash the human potential. 🙂

  2. Well done Brisky, this is a big subject and you’re getting into it nicely and opening it up for all of us to ponder and comment upon.

    Energy is everywhere, and everything, and yet we must walk though it all in out physical bodies…absorbing and radiating and bouncing all of it …. It’s enough to make one think…


  3. […] 2. If A Woman Is Sexually Confident You’re Entitled To Fuck Her. I don’t know how to break this to you kids, but a woman doesn’t owe you sex. If she’s the biggest “slut” on earth, she still has the right to discriminate. […]

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