10 Things You Can Sell To Neurotic White Women

1. Any item of clothing that hides unsightly bulges and/or highlights others.
2. Any food that guarantees no more bulges will form if you eat it.
3. Any pill/powder/potion that causes you to hemorrhage calories without having to eat less.
4. Any product that promises to erase the natural creases that happen from moving the face.
5. Yoga accessories.
6. Accoutrements for meditation, because closing your eyes and breathing requires a Tibetan bell and an artisanal cushion.
7. Any pharmaceutical that insulates you from feeling unpleasant things.
8. Something shiny.
9. An idea that manufactures a sense of outrage to distract you from life’s existential paradox.
10. Something that promises “The best orgasms of your life.”

Anyone who knows a way I can make a living from 10. please message me immediately.


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