The MILF Code

1. Thou shalt be true to thine own desires always, except when kids need dinner. Then thine desires briefly have to wait.
2. Thou need’st to fuck anyone thou find’st repulsive. For nary a reason. (If this be thy legally wedded husband, this might give thee pause.)
3. Thou shalt not fuck another woman’s husband. Ever. (Even if he be eminently fuckable, sport fucking takes place away from the domicile.)
4. Thou shalt not leave the house looking like hell except on the days when thou feel’st like hell, and then it be fine, and so art sweatpants.
5. Thou shalt stick by thine female friends, and with them, and they by thee, as thusly is the MILF Code reinforced. (Ye Olde Ho’s before Ye Young Bros.)
6. Thou shalt not take any shit. Not from man, not from woman, not even from man not of woman born, nor of woman who once a man was’t, nor any version thereof. Thou hast earned the right not to take shit. Don’t ye forget it.
7. Thou shalt not chop off parts of thyself to make others comfortable. This amounts to amateur amputation and thus be against ye Hippocratic oath.
8. Thou dost not conform to thine kids’ view. They likely hath good intentions, but they don’t run ye showe. So don’t even with those little bitches.
9. Sit not in judgment of other women’s choices, be it delivering people from their wombs, or wearing a heinous chartreuse, or even being ye phoney baloney cunts that say one thing and do another. Just keep the sidewalk thou tread’st on clean, and slumbers will come easy.
10. Thou shalt not buy into the aging myth. Thou art hot, if thou say thou art. Hotness be not an outside mandated trait, ‘tis hard won from within by much personal work, struggle, and self-care. It be neither something that can be bestow’d by others, nor taken away by ‘em. So own that shit. Thou hast earned it. sepia milf

13 comments

      • No joke. Always be ready to show you’re a bad-ass when needed. ‘Murica values — sometimes you just gotta stand up and say unto those about you: not taking shit any-fucking-more!

        ….okay, maybe not at a family or social dinner….unless they’ve really got it coming….then, all-in….

  1. […] life better and brighter. Is this a sign that I am truly a desperate housewife, the original bored MILF who relies on these interactions to feel better about the monotony of kids/aging/paying the fucking […]

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