When Some Bitch Done Fucked You Over

On this International Women’s Day, I need to come clean with the fact that sometimes we bitches are not perfect at showing up for each other. While we can excel at casseroles and cancer appointments, sometimes we fail in the good old-fashioned “giving another lady the benefit of the doubt” department. So if you want to mark the day without giving in to at best disingenuousness and at worst hypocrisy, read on…

But first – an opinion. Besides being something most women cannot afford the luxury of, “The Day Without Women” strike is counterproductive. Most days in our culture lack female voices that are heard– why would we disappear ourselves for another day? How about a Day With More Women, where all who identify as female are allowed to positions of power—in conversation, politics and entertainment—and demonstrate what happens when we legislate, speak, and behave based on compassionate ideals instead of money. (Also motherfuckers, pay us.)

Don’t fall for those who try to pit us against each other, if your only criticism of a woman is that she is not being female “correctly” (her dress, her body, or her sexual proclivities vs. her ideology, hateful behavior, or rhetoric) consider how much easier we are to defeat if splintered into dumb eye-shadow factions. For all the women I know, whether you’ve had babies or not, whatever shape you are or ethnicity, and whatever gender you were assigned at birth, I support your right to have choices, including sometimes questionable ones, because those too are our prerogative, damn it, and also how we learn grace.

As someone who routinely works to sexually empower women, it’s hard for me to admit the reality that sometimes women do not have an easy time supporting each other. So here’s today’s Vagenda- to work on forgiving the women in my life I was closest to, who raced away leaving skid marks once they “disapproved” of my “lifestyle.” Today, I wish to offer them my forgiveness, or something even more neutral, my “Meh.” This leaves my remaining energy (that not tied up with kids, art, career, relationship, etc.) free to support women who understand the value of supporting other women. When it comes to Bitches, I am still in all ways Pro-.

Most important on this day and always, is that we learn how to hold space for ourselves. No matter who comes and goes in life (women, men, and others) remember that there is someone who can always be there for you, if you only turn to her. It’s that woman who was once a girl called you, and sister, she is always present, available and accounted for. Susanna Brisk is a Sexual Intuitive®, writer, teacher, author, healer, broadcaster, and coach. You can email her HERE.

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