1. Do her laundry. Distracting thoughts can be a factor in women’s sexuality more than men’s. The mechanism that allows people to “compartmentalize” can be missing from women, though there are exceptions to this rule. (Sometimes it’s the husband who can be distracted away from sex by the fridge humming too loudly, while the mom could finish even with a kid banging on the door screaming “Mommy.”) Either way, you can’t go wrong with taking an item or two off her cluttered mental to-do list.
2. Know your woman. Is your self-identified lady the type who can climax standing on her head before breakfast, or does she need a nice protein serving and coffee first? Does she enjoy a middle-of-the-night romp or to be taken roughly on the stairs? Be like a scientist observing these things! The more you know her rhythms, the more you’re likely to fall in step with them, and bring her to the ultimate crescendo.
3. Love her. Women are as capable of fulfilling one-night stands as men, but also are more prone to “catching feelings,” because of the massive Oxytocin response to sex in the female body. The latest science shows that how a woman believes you feel about her influences her orgasm response. So the more you make her cum the more she will love you, and the more you love her, the more she will cum!
4. Talk to her. Use words out of your mouth-hole, but this is one occasion when texting is okay; it can be a good way to get her to divulge things. If you can intuit how a woman feels about sexual acts, you can start to understand what makes her tick and ergo help her bust a chick-nut. Dr. Emily Nagoski proves in her book “Come As You Are” that how a woman feels about sex is an even better predicator of sexual enjoyment than how she feels about you.
5. Improve her self-esteem, don’t detract from it. Look, no-one is asking you to kiss ass or walk around endlessly flattering women’s egos, so don’t be a phony. Beware too the garbage pick-up artists who suggest you build a woman up and then tear her down (besides the fact that if you feel you need to trick a woman into sleeping with you, you qualify as ultimate “sad face.”) Women are culturally more prone to self-doubt and even self-loathing, so why not reassure her if you know it is also clit-conducive?
6. Commit. Someone I was with for a long time liked to get down on me and then loll around aimlessly like he had packed a picnic lunch, but without ever opening said lunch. Please no. It’s one thing to bask in the enjoyment of the pussy (who wouldn’t? It’s a fucking delight) but after a time do get intentional and on point with your tongue, mouth, hands and whatever external apparatus you may be rocking. Remember Cumming is for Closers!
7. Take the pressure off. Many, many women have a hard time cumming, by any means, internal or external, and this is a complicated issue that is unique to each woman and her biology, psychology, history, hormones, and whether the crow flies from the West. Don’t add to the complication with your ego to hasten or finish the process- don’t make her cumming about you– rather about satisfying her because you want to and understand the importance of it. That pressure is not helping, brah! (As a woman who has made other women cum, sometimes letting go can be even more difficult, like “How could I not know how to operate one of these when I have one?”)
8. Study. Know your vulvs from your G’s, your clits from your hoods, your bits from your bobs. If you know the physiology you’re dealing with, you can be more comfortable with whatever pussy you are lucky enough to be presented with. Remember what leading sex therapist Esther Perel says, “”Porn as a fantasy is one thing, porn as the replacement for sex-ed is a disaster.”
9. Bone up on the different orgasms. Clit, G-spot, Full Body, Cervical, Vaginal, Squirting, and many more greatest hits. The Tantra people are brilliant with helping people have an orgasm in the solar plexus, the throat, or by thinking off, but you can also be a self-taught prodigy. Regardless, the greater your knowledge as orgasm-giver, the more will be possible for the orgasm-haver. This is the most rewarding use of the maxim The More You Know…
10. Watch better porn. Call it ethical porn, feminist porn, or what legendary author and sex educator Tristan Taormino calls “Slow Porn,” kind of like the Slow Food movement, but for fucking. (Slow down is generally good advice when it comes to female orgasm!) The new porn differs from the by-the-numbers product that has saturated the internet since its inception and your dad’s hidden videocassettes before that, and will put you in a better energy for hitting the vajayjackpot. There is no “right” or “wrong” sexuality, among consenting adults all acts are perfectly okay, but some pornographers are more actively involved in showing women receiving pleasure, as opposed to as a prop for yet another dicking (which is also fine, but won’t teach you how to make a real live one cum.) Keeping in mind that specific angles are needed for camera which make it difficult to show an accurate cunnilingus tutorial, try filmmakers like Erika Lust, and Four Chambers, a collab with arty pornographer Vex Ashley, and featuring nuanced performers like Owen Gray, Mickey Mod, Stoya and other uniquely non-traditional hot people. If you suspect a more BDSM approach will unlock your lady, try Kink University, the twisted sex-ed part of kink.com, it caters to a more conscious audience and might be just what the non-vanilla doctor (or medical fetish) ordered.
To find out more, or to book an appointment for a Sexual Intuitive session to help you unlock your own ability to cum/make someone cum, email me HERE.