Who’s Your Daddy?

The fetish of calling a sexual partner “Daddy” has become so common in both porn and comedy, that the whole “Who’s your daddy?” oeuvre is (almost) played out. But calling someone Daddy or Mommy, and having them BE that role (it can be a title for any gender or orientation) and being their Baby or their Babygirl, or their Little, is quite different. And while it implies certain paternal/maternal qualities that can be met after the fact, it’s not the same. It can be a caretaking role, not just a sex thing, but arousing in primal ways. Just make sure that in looking for Daddy, you don’t instead find [ominous drumroll] your dad.

The Mommy or Daddy dynamic is a part of BDSM you might initially find repellant. If you squirm with disgust when someone mentions it, believe it or not this could be a clue that it is your thing. Dig a little deeper and beneath the revulsion you might find a powerful turn on. That’s the good thing about ageplay; because you are assuming certain roles that are not bound by reality, it doesn’t matter what age you currently are, or even if the Daddy or Mommy is younger than yourself.

This is because, like most things in BDSM, it is not literal. The terms do not suggest incest, and are not meant to replicate your real-life parental relationships, however BE AWARE- psychologists show that we often replicate our childhood homes in relationships, even to the extent of replicating trauma because it’s familiar. That is why it is most important what ENERGY you apply to BDSM, than the actual mechanics of something like “spanking technique” and having the correct roller caddy for your whip collection.

Also, even if you have not had trouble remaining “unattached” to previous bed partners, you may find that for some reason once you call someone “Mommy” or “Daddy,” you are bonded to that person on a deeper level, and at a much faster rate. It might even frighten you, that you are getting a little… twisted, but it is understandable and normal, and most importantly up to you both to work it out together.

Why isn’t Daddy texting me? When am I going to see him again? Doesn’t Mommy love me? Am I not a Good Boy/Girl? The Mommy/Daddy dynamic can be an incredibly gratifying way to heal those early wounds, but ya can’t do it with some schmuck ya just met 5 minutes ago on Tinder…

Here is what should be the “new polyamory,” something called self-amory. BDSM is just another way to find a deep sense of okayness with self, and it’s possible to do that whether single or partnered. We have to be our own Dominant, as well as our own submissive, as a way to develop more power in ourselves. In some existential way, it’s realizing that Daddy’s never coming home, just like he never left, and Mommy is not going anywhere, Mommy is always right here.

Do you have a strong response in your body when you hear or read about Mommy/Daddy labels? A Sexual Intuitive® can help you safely explore whether incorporating these kinks will fulfill your deepest needs. Read more about what I do, or email me here.


  1. Well played FB, the evolution is fantastic and your courage to share with all is as well. And as far as The Nin quote at the end….sigh….so, so good. Con Amor ❤️😀

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